MONTESSORi vs. PiKLER

In my recent post "Montessori was right" I have mentioned how important it is to allow children to take part in our life for real, not just with plastic toys in their room. And while I'm convinced of the amazing and wonderful work of Maria Montessori and agree with what Nicole from Montessori School of Mount Pleasant and Little Learners Lodge wrote in her recent post I do think that at the age 0-3 the Pikler or RIE principles are much more valuable.

When I first heard about Montessori and Pikler I thought "Now what's actually the difference between their approaches?" and found out that Montessori mainly focused on the age group 3-6 (The Children's House) and Pikler on the age group 0-3. Then I discovered some writings and information on Montessori's thoughts on the very young infant e.g. the book "Montessori from the start" and with Leander attending a Montessori creche I figured that - in the end - both women had very similar approaches. I still believe that to be true, but I have found a few Montessori ideas to lead in the "wrong" direction.

The material
Montessori is especially known for her own special materials she has thought through and developed with a lot of experiences in mind. With most of these materials she is aiming for some skills to be achieved, sometimes in various steps, sometimes straight away. A few materials are self explaining, a few need demonstrations to the child from a teacher or caregiver. I do believe that especially at the age 0-2 this is just not necessary and partly even obstructive.
According to RIE principles what we want to "teach" a child is to be free to choose whatever he wants to play (with). Until a child can speak it is - in my opinion - much better if all the toys or materials are open (as Pikler called it), so no didactic background, no skills needed or to be achieved. Simply playing and having fun. Montessori actually said "Children can not not learn." So why go and place materails in their reach that need demonstration?
Of course it took me a while to come to that thought and I have been there myself letting Leander pour water from one jug into another or shovel beans from one bowl into the next. Of course I had to show him, if I'd only placed two jugs on a tray on the shelf he would not have known what to do with it. And of course he enjoyed it. A lot. But it was not HIS decision to play with that. It was me who asked him to, who showed him how to do it and who watched him the whole time. At this very young age (he was 18 months old) this is just not necessary. Even now (he is almost 22 months old) he is happy playing with toys that don't need explanation. He loves cars, books and small toy animals he shows to us waiting for us to say what it is. He is developing his speech more than anything at the moment, what does he need to shovel beans for?
He does learn how to use a spoon simply by using one for his meals every single day.

Another problem is that at this age children still take a lot of things into their mouth, they throw things (oh dear, when will it stop?) and they drop things on purpose (discovering physics). If you are happy collecting beans, whiping the floor, changing clothes and fishing little things out of your child's little mouth you are welcome to offer those materials. I for myself have found it too stressful for all of us.

Cooking
As mentioned before - at this age children want to take part in the household and they are very proud if they are allowed. Dusting, hoovering, helping with the laundry etc. It is all great and I can only recommend it. But the cooking - which is a great part in Montessori houses - I would postpone. It again has some aim - a proper meal. With the laundry or the dishes I don't mind if he replaces them, if he carries them around or places a cup on his head. When he hoovers he enjoys switching the hoover on and off more than actually hoovering. All fine. But when it comes to food I'm quite strict. I don't want it to be thrown, I don't want it to be wasted but I also don't want to cook a proper meal and a fake meal. So there will be so many "rules" that again I find it too much and too difficult for a child that age.Keep it simple and don't make a great effort of a simple daily task that in the end will actually have nothing to do with the task itself anymore.

Potty training
I know from the creche Leander attends that the Montessori approach is very much aiming for the independence of a child. But it goes that far that potty training is something they are quite keen on because obviously it helps with the self dependence. But this is not a skill you can practice day in day out. It is a physical development that takes time. For some children more than for others and I believe that no pressure here will lead to way more success than anything else.

Sleeping
Montessori suggests giving your child a floor bed rather than a cot as he can choose when to go to sleep and can easily climb in and out himself. Again the self dependence is the great goal behind this idea. And while I have to admit that a big bed can be very helpful and relaxing for the whole family I do believe that a child
a) needs a cozy and secure boundary around himself and
b) will not go to bed and stay there all by himself until he is sound asleep. Life is just too exciting at this age to simply lay down and sleep.
We have exchanged Leander's cot with a bunk bed where he has the mattress basically under the bed with curtains around and the actual bed is used as a big changing table. It is very very cozy, he loves it and it has proven very helpful at nights when Leander is ill or just can't get back to sleep. Because that way we simply lay down next to him and sometimes even sleep in his bed with him for a while. The down part is that he is NEVER falling asleep on his own in the evening. We have to stay with him until he is in dreamland otherwise he will just follow us back to the living room all the time. So although he might say "Brush" when he gets tired and wants to brush his teeth in order to go to bed he still wouldn't just doze off all by himself. And I have to say: That's okay! He is not even 2 years old, he needs us and we're there. So the floorbed is great if you enjoy cuddle times with your child in the evening but not with the expectation of a tired child just laying down for the night all by himself.


In general, what I do believe to be the "problem" with the Montessori pedagogy for the agegroup 0-3 is that the independence is this great expectation in the back. Every toy, every material seems to have an achievement in its description.
Especially at this age children and most parents have all the time in the world. Nobody should be rushing them, no milestone should be more important than the joy and happiness of an exploring child.

Why is my son in a Montessori creche then? By no means I am meaning to criticise the creche Leander is attending. Of all places I could leave him while I simply have to work this is the best I can think of. As I said - Montessori has a similar approach in mind - and after all the children in this creche have a lot of time for "free play" and are treated with a lot of respect. Compared to many other creches where the children are entertained all day I am very happy with the place I leave my boy in in the mornings.

I just believe that if you've got a choice or if you are at home with your child for the first few years focusing on the RIE principles rather than expensive Montessori material can be much more valuable.

CAREFUL LiTTLE HANDS

This evening I had a meeting within our housing project. I had to take Leander to the office because his father came to pick him up there on his way home from work. While I was preparing the flipcharts and the To do list in the meeting room, Leander made himself busy in the kitchen. Usually I would run after him and carefully watch what he was doing. Today I just took all the knives out of the drawer and placed them out of reach. Then I did what I had to do and Leander did what he felt like doing.

Since I am recently doing the Montessori children's house teacher training I am aware of the joy and excitement children bring along for all sorts of housework. Basically everything they see us doing. They want to be part of our world and society. So they don't just copy us in their play, they want to take part in the REAL world. And it is our job to LET THEM (in a safe environment).
This does not mean placing plastic cups and cutlery and knitted fruits in their reach. It means to trust them and allow them to experience with the real stuff.

I have been really keen but also a bit scared with that myself. I bought Leander glass bottles from the beginning (until I learned that he would refuse any type of bottle or drinking item that is not the breast). He learned drinking in a plastic cup called the "Doidy Cup" because it was THE ONLY thing he would accept when he started eating and needed to take in a bit more fluids. After that he was allowed to drink from glasses, ceramic cups and eat from ceramic plates with stainless steel spoons and forks. So far he broke one plate in two halfs so we could glue it back together (because it is a plate from me when I was little and I love it) and the handle of one cup. I was almost hoping there would be more damage in the cup section as we have too many anyway.
It took me a while to empty the dish washer with Leander around because as soon as he sees the machine open he comes running over reaching me every single glass, cup, plate and spoon. He loves to help and he is so careful that so far nothing happened. It's in our heads and once it's there - it happens. But even if it did - don't we ever drop any plates by accident?
If we keep taking things out of their little but careful hands the minute they grab them we take chances and opportunities from them to learn, to experience and to practise. And at the age of 14 we might shout at them for not being independent and careful.

So here is what Leander felt like doing and although I didn't need him to because we had a meeting planned and not a dinner I couldn't help but watch (and film):



Unfortunately I stopped too early but here is a picture of him a little later with a pizza plate that is almost as big as himself in his hands:



Montessori once said something like "If we give them precious material to work (play) with the children will feel precious too." Without words, hugs or kisses. And I think I have seen the living proof of that today.

TiDY UP !

How much did we hate this line from our parents ? Sometimes I did tidy up to please them and sometimes I created new (old) concepts of tidying up (hiding all in a cupboard, behind the door etc...). Very rarely I came up with the idea of tidying up my room all by myself. But no matter if I did it voluntarily or not - a clean and orderly room still gave me a thrill of satisfaction, motivation and inner peace.

When I first entered the parent infant class I was shocked by the amount of toys small and large and wondered what this room would look like after a few minutes. But before it could turn into a complete mess our teacher would put things back where they belonged just in the area she was just sitting. I thought to myself "What is that all about? She will have to do that all over again in no time. Not just once."
So later I spoke with a friend who went to another parent infant class and experienced the same. But instead of wondering she asked the teacher about this and she said that the children need their order, they will get uneasy and restless when their environment becomes too messy. And suddenly it all made sense.
I remembered the pictures from Montessori children's houses or homes. How I always imagined that they had purposely cleaned it all before the picture taking and why they made an effort of putting the materials all so neatly on the shelves.
I also remembered how much more fun it was to cook in a clean kitchen or how much more motivated I was after I had decluttered my desk (well, at least most of the times).
So that afternoon I gave our living room a nice clean up and arranged our son's toys like I have seen it in class. The balls together in one basket, the wooden toys together in another basket, the stacking cups in order, spoon in the bowl etc... Suddenly the room looked so clean and big as it actually is.

Of course it only takes Leander a few minutes (if at all) to spread his toys on the floor. But every now and then when he is busy in another corner I put a few things back in place and when he is having his nap I tidy the whole room again. Right now this is kind of a meditative task, takes me two minutes and I'm happy. When he comes back in the room he now knows exactly where to find what which I think is a good start for when he gets older and deliberately chooses something to play with and knows where to get it.
I am aware that he will have more and more toys but I figured that this way of keeping a strict order will help to prevent us from "too much". When I can't find space anymore we need to declutter. I already started with those toys he is far too young for anyway (but grandparents keep buying...). I put them in a box which he already found but is not capable of opening by himself. It became boring to him but I'm sure one day he'll figure it out and then he will find toys he can actually use in it. By then I will have taken a few other things away.
Well at least that's the plan...

Another reason I hope this strict order will help us with is the tidying up process in general when Leander gets older. Apparently children up to the age of 10 or 12 are not seriously capable of cleaning up a whole mess but can follow requests such as "Can you put your Lego in the red box?" or "Can you please put those books to the others in the shelf?". If they now where to find the red box they can do so. If the bookshelf is cluttered with toys they might not. Again - these are all hopeful predictions. So far I seriously enjoy to arrange balls and stacking cups (I love them too!) and most importantly I enjoy to have my living room back after living in a children's room all day!


And while I have quite a few peeks in the future in my post without knowing too much about it I would love to hear your experiences with the mess and the order of children.

iNTERRUPTiON

When Leander was born his room was still a mess. It did not bother me because I thought he will live with us in the living room for a year or so. His cot and his changing table were in his room, but the playpen and all his toys cutely decorated our living space. And I thought this was the way it was supposed to be. Until I read about Montessori's thoughts on infants.

I knew that Pikler was all for the playpen, preferably outside in the garden. Well we don't have a garden and summer has been rather sad so Leander's main play area was our living room. Then I read "In a Montessori Home" which is just a brief collection of thoughts she had on infants and how the house should be prepared. In that she mentions that even those little children should have a bed they can easily climb in and out on their own to decide themselves when to sleep and when not (this especially applying to the daytime naps). Of course this bed can only be used once the little person is able to crawl but when Leander was close to 6 months old we thought this could happen anytime soon. We did not know what to expect but some early starters I know are already very active at this age.
So we decided to clear out his room and make space for him. We moved the playpen in so he could get used to being in this room, to accept this as HIS room. And suddenly the living room looked very much like us again. It was weird and at first he would not stay in there on his own for too long. But I have a chair in there too for the nightly feeding times so I would sit in the chair and read or knit or just watch him play.

Only when I was cooking or cleaning I would take him back with me to the living room so I would not have to run around and about all the time. Over the last few weeks I began to leave him more and more often in his room, I stayed in his playpen with him, hidden somewhere happily watching him learn to crawl and sit up (which he still struggles to achieve).
At the weekend we were cooking lunch for him and had him back in the living room with us. I have usually a blanket there (he rolls off pretty soon) and some toys (he often ignores cos the books on the shelf look more interesting). Jan was cooking and I sat on the sofa watching little Lman play. He had a cuddly sheep in his hands, the sheep has two straps and he was going to discover those (as those little persons do - enjoy straps and labels rather than the toy itself). But everytime Jan said something to me or made noise in the kitchen Leander would look up and "forget" to play with the sheep. He usually went back but another noise and he was interrupted again. I watched this for a while and got really annoyed.

Ever since I tried even harder to leave him in his room. I'm there with him when he is asking for me and I'm only taking him with me in the living room/kitchen for feeding times at lunch and at dinner. And quite often when I do the laundry or something all I hear from his room is some "lalala" and when I secretly go and check he is very busy discovering.

It was a very interesting experience to see him get distracted so easily.
And how many parents have their children in the living room or take them into every room in the house they are just doing something in (as far as I know even the toilet) because they are scared to leave the little ones alone for a moment? So how often do these children get interrupted in their play ?
I know not everybody has the space for an extra room for the child but in that case try and limit the surrounding actions in the area the child is playing in. And most importantly: have a constant play area somewhere, don't move your child around too much. If this space is safe you can easily leave your child in there for a moment while you go to the toilet for example.
I have discovered that Leander was really uneasy in the living room without the playpen around him but very happy in his own room. He knows this place and space and feels comfortable in it. This is where he can play and discover all straps and labels and little features in the wooden floor.

read more about the uninterrupted play here