I HEAR YOU.

I used to be a very pessimistic person. The glass always was half empty, the grass greener on the other side and there was just no point in doing anything. Gladly this has changed. A lot. Especially since I became a mom and being pessimistic would be even more in my way than it used to be already. And this is probably why even now I find a good thing behind this "phase" we are going through.


Recently the little man has been what many parents would probably call "difficult", "hard work" or even "annoying". Since I refuse to think that children want to manipulate us and stretch our nerves on purpose, I started spinning my own brain to figure out why he was acting the way he was - screaming a lot, hitting me, biting, throwing things, throwing even more things,... you name it. And probably know a bit of it.

There are moments when I yell at him. For throwing wooden blocks at me that really do hurt. Then I leave the room to not throw these things out of pure anger and aggression myself. Then I sit down, breathe and think. What did just happen? And why? And like a sudden thunderstorm thoughts come down and explain everything. Well, almost everything.

For one thing - Baby number two is on the way. And while the first few weeks were a bit of trouble and I was told to rest I had to say "No." to a lot of fun things the little man was asking for. Like going for a ride with his little bike. I just couldn't chase him along the streets. Especially not in the extreme summer heat we have had the last couple of weeks. When he wanted to show me things or simply come with him explore the world I felt like sitting down putting my feet up. Worst of all I had to refuse to carry him 3 storeys up to our flat. Gladly he can manage himself easily but sometimes (and I totally understand that) he is just too tired.
Yesterday I did not refuse. I'm allowed to slowly get back to normal again so I really wanted to carry him upstairs. He raised his arms, said "Mama arm!" and I picked him up. After a few steps he looked at me and said: "Mama! Arm!!" and he smiled. Then he put his head on my shoulder and although I was short of breath already I enjoyed carrying him more than ever. I could see how hard it must have been for him the last few weeks.

Another thing is that I am in between jobs. And many ideas. And a few new educational courses. I have been to seminars on weekends. Had to leave the house in the evenings the minute my husband got in. The little man just handed over from one to the other. Always just checking who's there and when. No quality time as a family. This doesn't just frustrates the little man I guess. It frustrates me. All of it. The in-between-jobs situation. The packed full weekends. And an unsatified feeling about all those ideas and no time, energy or ability to chase them. So my frustration adds up with his frustration. He cries and I'm annoyed. He cries even more and I feel guilty. Days that I just want to erase from my calendar.

Now what is the good thing behind all this?
Well - maybe that I learn to reflect my actions. In a live without children we tend to refuse that. On purpose or not. Because it is not easy, uncomfortable. Sometimes hard.
And of course with children it's easier to say "Phew what a day. He's in a tough phase right now. When will this end?" And even if it is him and his speedy development and growth - we are all in this boat. We all have to get through those days and it is easier to do it together than blame a single person.

It also helps me slow down some more. Children grow so fast, they learn new things all the time and develop skills almost over night. So sometimes it is hard to focus on how small they still are. And we expect things that are simply too much, or refuse what they might still need most. I'm glad that the little man shows me what he needs. And what he's not capable of. May it be in screaming or hitting. As long as his speech is not fully developed this is his way of hitting the emergency break (literally).

So as much as I don't understand why the creche is closed all August while they don't rely on school holidays I am very very much looking forward to a month of quality time with my little man. No courses or seminars. No work. And hopefully no more pregnancy troubles. Because once this pregnancy ends things will change. Rapidly. And there is no way in properly preparing the little man for it. Because we don't know either what it will be like with two kids.
So all I can do is to be there for him as much as I can and give him all he needs. Because I love him.

MONTESSORi vs. PiKLER

In my recent post "Montessori was right" I have mentioned how important it is to allow children to take part in our life for real, not just with plastic toys in their room. And while I'm convinced of the amazing and wonderful work of Maria Montessori and agree with what Nicole from Montessori School of Mount Pleasant and Little Learners Lodge wrote in her recent post I do think that at the age 0-3 the Pikler or RIE principles are much more valuable.

When I first heard about Montessori and Pikler I thought "Now what's actually the difference between their approaches?" and found out that Montessori mainly focused on the age group 3-6 (The Children's House) and Pikler on the age group 0-3. Then I discovered some writings and information on Montessori's thoughts on the very young infant e.g. the book "Montessori from the start" and with Leander attending a Montessori creche I figured that - in the end - both women had very similar approaches. I still believe that to be true, but I have found a few Montessori ideas to lead in the "wrong" direction.

The material
Montessori is especially known for her own special materials she has thought through and developed with a lot of experiences in mind. With most of these materials she is aiming for some skills to be achieved, sometimes in various steps, sometimes straight away. A few materials are self explaining, a few need demonstrations to the child from a teacher or caregiver. I do believe that especially at the age 0-2 this is just not necessary and partly even obstructive.
According to RIE principles what we want to "teach" a child is to be free to choose whatever he wants to play (with). Until a child can speak it is - in my opinion - much better if all the toys or materials are open (as Pikler called it), so no didactic background, no skills needed or to be achieved. Simply playing and having fun. Montessori actually said "Children can not not learn." So why go and place materails in their reach that need demonstration?
Of course it took me a while to come to that thought and I have been there myself letting Leander pour water from one jug into another or shovel beans from one bowl into the next. Of course I had to show him, if I'd only placed two jugs on a tray on the shelf he would not have known what to do with it. And of course he enjoyed it. A lot. But it was not HIS decision to play with that. It was me who asked him to, who showed him how to do it and who watched him the whole time. At this very young age (he was 18 months old) this is just not necessary. Even now (he is almost 22 months old) he is happy playing with toys that don't need explanation. He loves cars, books and small toy animals he shows to us waiting for us to say what it is. He is developing his speech more than anything at the moment, what does he need to shovel beans for?
He does learn how to use a spoon simply by using one for his meals every single day.

Another problem is that at this age children still take a lot of things into their mouth, they throw things (oh dear, when will it stop?) and they drop things on purpose (discovering physics). If you are happy collecting beans, whiping the floor, changing clothes and fishing little things out of your child's little mouth you are welcome to offer those materials. I for myself have found it too stressful for all of us.

Cooking
As mentioned before - at this age children want to take part in the household and they are very proud if they are allowed. Dusting, hoovering, helping with the laundry etc. It is all great and I can only recommend it. But the cooking - which is a great part in Montessori houses - I would postpone. It again has some aim - a proper meal. With the laundry or the dishes I don't mind if he replaces them, if he carries them around or places a cup on his head. When he hoovers he enjoys switching the hoover on and off more than actually hoovering. All fine. But when it comes to food I'm quite strict. I don't want it to be thrown, I don't want it to be wasted but I also don't want to cook a proper meal and a fake meal. So there will be so many "rules" that again I find it too much and too difficult for a child that age.Keep it simple and don't make a great effort of a simple daily task that in the end will actually have nothing to do with the task itself anymore.

Potty training
I know from the creche Leander attends that the Montessori approach is very much aiming for the independence of a child. But it goes that far that potty training is something they are quite keen on because obviously it helps with the self dependence. But this is not a skill you can practice day in day out. It is a physical development that takes time. For some children more than for others and I believe that no pressure here will lead to way more success than anything else.

Sleeping
Montessori suggests giving your child a floor bed rather than a cot as he can choose when to go to sleep and can easily climb in and out himself. Again the self dependence is the great goal behind this idea. And while I have to admit that a big bed can be very helpful and relaxing for the whole family I do believe that a child
a) needs a cozy and secure boundary around himself and
b) will not go to bed and stay there all by himself until he is sound asleep. Life is just too exciting at this age to simply lay down and sleep.
We have exchanged Leander's cot with a bunk bed where he has the mattress basically under the bed with curtains around and the actual bed is used as a big changing table. It is very very cozy, he loves it and it has proven very helpful at nights when Leander is ill or just can't get back to sleep. Because that way we simply lay down next to him and sometimes even sleep in his bed with him for a while. The down part is that he is NEVER falling asleep on his own in the evening. We have to stay with him until he is in dreamland otherwise he will just follow us back to the living room all the time. So although he might say "Brush" when he gets tired and wants to brush his teeth in order to go to bed he still wouldn't just doze off all by himself. And I have to say: That's okay! He is not even 2 years old, he needs us and we're there. So the floorbed is great if you enjoy cuddle times with your child in the evening but not with the expectation of a tired child just laying down for the night all by himself.


In general, what I do believe to be the "problem" with the Montessori pedagogy for the agegroup 0-3 is that the independence is this great expectation in the back. Every toy, every material seems to have an achievement in its description.
Especially at this age children and most parents have all the time in the world. Nobody should be rushing them, no milestone should be more important than the joy and happiness of an exploring child.

Why is my son in a Montessori creche then? By no means I am meaning to criticise the creche Leander is attending. Of all places I could leave him while I simply have to work this is the best I can think of. As I said - Montessori has a similar approach in mind - and after all the children in this creche have a lot of time for "free play" and are treated with a lot of respect. Compared to many other creches where the children are entertained all day I am very happy with the place I leave my boy in in the mornings.

I just believe that if you've got a choice or if you are at home with your child for the first few years focusing on the RIE principles rather than expensive Montessori material can be much more valuable.

CAREFUL LiTTLE HANDS

This evening I had a meeting within our housing project. I had to take Leander to the office because his father came to pick him up there on his way home from work. While I was preparing the flipcharts and the To do list in the meeting room, Leander made himself busy in the kitchen. Usually I would run after him and carefully watch what he was doing. Today I just took all the knives out of the drawer and placed them out of reach. Then I did what I had to do and Leander did what he felt like doing.

Since I am recently doing the Montessori children's house teacher training I am aware of the joy and excitement children bring along for all sorts of housework. Basically everything they see us doing. They want to be part of our world and society. So they don't just copy us in their play, they want to take part in the REAL world. And it is our job to LET THEM (in a safe environment).
This does not mean placing plastic cups and cutlery and knitted fruits in their reach. It means to trust them and allow them to experience with the real stuff.

I have been really keen but also a bit scared with that myself. I bought Leander glass bottles from the beginning (until I learned that he would refuse any type of bottle or drinking item that is not the breast). He learned drinking in a plastic cup called the "Doidy Cup" because it was THE ONLY thing he would accept when he started eating and needed to take in a bit more fluids. After that he was allowed to drink from glasses, ceramic cups and eat from ceramic plates with stainless steel spoons and forks. So far he broke one plate in two halfs so we could glue it back together (because it is a plate from me when I was little and I love it) and the handle of one cup. I was almost hoping there would be more damage in the cup section as we have too many anyway.
It took me a while to empty the dish washer with Leander around because as soon as he sees the machine open he comes running over reaching me every single glass, cup, plate and spoon. He loves to help and he is so careful that so far nothing happened. It's in our heads and once it's there - it happens. But even if it did - don't we ever drop any plates by accident?
If we keep taking things out of their little but careful hands the minute they grab them we take chances and opportunities from them to learn, to experience and to practise. And at the age of 14 we might shout at them for not being independent and careful.

So here is what Leander felt like doing and although I didn't need him to because we had a meeting planned and not a dinner I couldn't help but watch (and film):



Unfortunately I stopped too early but here is a picture of him a little later with a pizza plate that is almost as big as himself in his hands:



Montessori once said something like "If we give them precious material to work (play) with the children will feel precious too." Without words, hugs or kisses. And I think I have seen the living proof of that today.

ON THE ROAD

Leander wasn't the fastest in his gross motor development. He took his time crawling, sitting up, standing and walking. But whenever he achieved one of those steps he enjoyed it A LOT. So it was only clear to me that once he could walk I would let him do so as much as possible. Which - as it turned out - isn't that easy and natural when you live in a city with a child who LOVES cars and is not interested in playgrounds or parks.



We have the Prater in Vienna, partly an amusement park with the famous Ferris Wheel and behind that a huge green park with a big wide alley running through it. The alley is closed to traffic except police cars and garbage trucks. It is THE place to be for runners, walkers, parents with prams, cyclists and Segways (some weird electronic vehicles). So I thought this was the best compromise to my son. No boring green park with only trees and grass but no main road with too much traffic either. What I did not expect was that he would not be interested in walking ALONG the alley but preferred CROSSING the alley. With a stroller and a bag it was quite a hassle to stop him from being run over by cyclists or the occasional garbage truck. I got frustrated. All parents (so it seemd) would sit in parks or on playgrounds with their children playing happily in the sand pit or the grass. Which is always greener on the other side and I know I wasn't right there.

My last idea turned out to be the greatest solution of all: Our house is on quite a big road but the next left or right turn leads us into very small roads with loads of cars parked and just a few cars driving past every now and then. I told Leander to hold my hand until we would turn into the small side roads and then I let him lead. And this was it. We would walk around for hours but never get much further away from home than 200m. In that area he could watch cars, touch cars and - the most exciting bit of all - cross roads. Here I had made the one and only rule: Whenever we would cross a road he would HAVE TO hold my hand. He did not like that but I was clear and strict about it and without really knowing the reason behind he got that I meant it. It wasn't as easy as it sounds though.
The first few days and weeks we would have the occasional screaming child lying in the middle of a junction. He sometimes just let go off my hand while we were crossing and would not - under no cicrumstances - move. In these moments I picked him up and - while he was screaming and trying to get down - explained to him why I now had to sit him back into his stroller. After such moments I then pictured those relaxed parents on the playground again... I had doubts if I expected too much of him but what could I do - force him to be happy on the playground?

During that time I had my first block of my Pikler training course. I learned that in the orphanage in Budapest the children who could walk were allowed out with a nurse and had the exact same rule - to hold hands when crossing roads. And if they didn't they were told that they COULD go back to the house. It was a matter of words. They didn't HAVE TO go back to the house, they COULD. Because they saw that the child didn't do it on purpose to annoy the nurse, they were just too overwhelmed or too tired for this situation in this very moment. So they got the possibility to go back to a safe place and play.I started using that wording too and it worked so well that sometimes when I told Leander "I need you to hold my hand now, if you can't do it you may go back into your stroller." he would nod. I learned that he in fact was too tired most of the times. The first few junctions he would hold my hand but after a while concentration was gone, it was all too much and he needed a break.

Still this was the best that could happen to him. He now walks a lot. I gave him a little toy car on a string and a wooden duck on a string and he always pulls one of them behind. These are our afternoons. We walk around the area, along the shops week for week a little further. Before we reach a junction he already stretches his arm out to one of us. The other day Jan just crossed a very quiet road without noticing Leander's hand so Leander stopped and shouted after his dad. He knows the rule and he takes it serious.

We get a lot of smiles from the people who pass us. It is a rare picture to see such a small child walking on his own (and pulling a duck or a truck) behind him. I understand that it looks dangerous with all the traffic around. But if we trust our children and allow them to learn the rules as much as we allow them to rest we might be surprised of how capable they are. I know children are different but it is worth a try before we just go ahead and push our children in strollers from playground to playground.Because it's not just that this way Leander gets enough exercise in order to enjoy a good nights sleep and a brighter day to follow. It's also that HE gets to choose where we go most of the time and you can tell how much he enjoys that when he points at a road and I agree to follow his lead. Sometimes I even think of different routes to the same destination (supermarket, subway station, home etc.) so even if he can't choose freely which way we go - he still has a choice. This may sound like a bit of a hassle for me but it isn't. I enjoy just leaving the house not knowing where we'll end up. And I believe that this way we have fewer arguments of which way we go because even if I have to decide "I need you to sit in the stroller for now, we need to be quick." (e.g. In the mornings) I can still add "But in the afternoon (or tomorrow) you'll get to choose again." And believe it or not, even if he does not like it, most of the time he nods and is fine with it. It's all about wording, explaining while respecting his feelings.

When I pick Leander up from the creche he asks for his "Pieps" immediately. It is his duck and he takes it and walks off. At the gate I used to stop and put him into the stroller because from the garden we go straight across the road to the subway station, up the elevator to the platform. One day I decided to let him walk those few metres. He took my hand, we crossed the street and in the station he let go and turned left straight for the elevator. Standing in the elevator moving up he smiled and laughed so much - as if to be free and grown up. Those are priceless moments I don't want to miss.

DiNNER CANCELLATiONS

I used to love going out for dinner. For breakfast. For lunch. For a glass of wine. I realised this when we did all this when Leander was in hospital on the ICU where there were strict visiting hours. In between we went out for food. But of course it wasn't the same. We missed him, we were worried, I even felt bad for doing "fun stuff".
We are now back home with Leander and are slowly getting back to "normal" (whatever that is with a child in the house). I have just received a dinner invitation and rejected it easily. Without my child I would never have done this. But today it felt easy and here is why:

Leander isn't even old enough to sit up by himself. We would be holding him all evening because with 7 months there is no such thing as putting him in the pram for a couple of hours. Not even for a few minutes if there are other people, food and a new environment. All too exciting.
Of course there would be more people and we could do rounds in holding Leander and entertaining him. This would mean that he is the centre of attraction, every conversation would be over as soon as he starts to cry or complain.

I wouldn't be enjoying the time because I would constantly check if he is alright, if his diaper would need change and where I could do that. I would probably realise that he is tired and feel bad because the right thing for him would be a deep sleep in his own bed.

I know a lot of parents do take their babies out for social occasions. And of course I did it a few times as well. But most of those occasions I went home early after having spent a good amount of time entertaining Leander, keeping him happy without him being happy.
This all may sound like I'm a übermother. Which I am definitely not. Because I don't enjoy having to hold my boy for such a long time, I am not this type of person that can spend hours amusing her son. And he doesn't either, he gets nervous and fretful when he's not able to move freely all by himself.

When I was pregnant I have experienced some nights out with couples and their children. And I thought "jeez I hope our child will not be as difficult in a situation like this". I did not know that it's not the child that is difficult, it's the situation, that is difficult for the child. Therefore I wait until he is older to sit and eat with us. Until then come over to my place for dinner, I'm still sociable. But I also have a child.

WHY iS PiKLER SUCH A NiCHE ?

The other day my friend, who is also raising her child after the Pikler method, asked me "But how come it is still such a niche? It all sounds so logical but why do only so few parents pick up on it?" And I began to wonder...







The first answer I found was that Emmi Pikler is always related to her orphanage in Budapest. Most people think that it was there that she developed and researched all the principles she came up with. From this they conclude that the principles aren't compliant to single families with one or two children. This is one misunderstanding I wanted to clear up for a while now.

Emmi Pikler started to rethink early childhood development much earlier when she was a medicine student and working in a children's hospital with Prof. von Pirquet and Prof. Salzer. Both were as much interested in the children's wellbeing and motor development as they were in their health. They put the intensity of care time, a nice and friendly atmosphere and the understanding of the importance of the gross motor development as high up on the scale as the need for medication and surgery.
When Pikler's first child was born she and her husband decided to take that into account and let her move freely and patiently wait and watch her development.

Later when she was working as a pediatrician herself she developed this knowledge further and gave advice to hundreds of families. She also started thinking about the intensity of care and wrote first articles, gave lectures and in 1940 wrote her first book. This was six years before she opened the orphanage Lóczy. Only here she seriously studied and researched her insights. The way she chose nurses and gave the children a warm atmosphere, allowing them to develop freely was just extraordinary and this is what she then became famous for. It does not mean that her principles can not be adapted to children in families. If anything - most of them SHOULD be adapted - especially when it comes to care times and undivided attention the child really needs. But this is not the topic here.

The other argument that the Pikler method can be adapted to families is Magda Gerber's work. She had learned from Emmi Pikler first as a mother when she watched Pikler dealing with her daughter in a certain way and was amazed. She then worked as an assistant to Pikler in the Lóczy orphanage. In the 1950s she emigrated to the USA and worked with a pediatrician where she used the knowledge she gained from Emmi Pikler. From this experience she founded the „Resources for Infant Educarers“ (RIE) organisation where the Pikler principles are passed on to parents in classes and play groups.

Now having cleared that up I believe there are some more reasons why Pikler is still a niche.

For once - there is still a lot of belief out there that parents should not read any books on parenting or take advice from others. Many women appeal on their instincts and feelings. I thought that too until I had a child and realised that my instincts are either hidden somewhere or I am not capable of using them. And why is it that so many parents in the end do raise questions along the way? Because their instincts aren't the answer to everything and I believe it is good to have a framework to rely on and work with your emotions within that. This will help you not to focus too much on what you read but also help you when things are out of control and your instincts let you down.

Another answer to the question of this post I believe is that the Pikler method is too "cold" for many parents. When you read about it or mention it to others it does not sound like the cuddly and loving method people think about when they are expecting a baby. When people first hear about letting your child be, let it lie on the floor and play independently, don't interfere - they think this is cruel. They do not continue to read until they find out about the loving and warm intensity of care and feeding times. About the way "Pikler parents" should sit and watch their child, get to know this little human being while showing respect and appreciation.
Most parents misunderstand love with physical attachment. But there is more to it.

And last but not least I believe Emmi Pikler's principles are (don't get me wrong here) somewhat "too difficult" to some parents. Not in a way they don't understand it but in the way of patience and holding back. I have to agree - sometimes it is hard to resist to give your child this little push he just needs to finally roll over on to his belly for the first time. But look at the child's face when he finally manages himself. The happy smile of achievement. And yes, some nights are hard when you decide not to plug your childs mouth with a pacifier but help him get through the tough first weeks until he is able to find his thumb to comfort himself. But believe me - this is all worth it too (read here)
And of course - there are all these toys out there and most of them you want to play with yourself (admit it) and now this Emmi Pikler says you should let your child play alone and just sit and watch? Well yes, this can be difficult too (although she is not saying you never should - you should just wait until your child invites you to play with him). But I experience observing my child as really satisfying and much more entertaining than any TV show.

So these are a few thoughts why I believe Pikler and Gerber are still a niche. If you have some more - feel free to share and comment. Because I am not just interested in the reasons but also solutions on how to help parents find out about Pikler earlier and with a better understanding and learn about about a parenting method that is so exciting and satisfying !

GREEN CHiLD O MiNE

For years now I have been green inside my heart, have been fighting for a greener approach and have desperately watched the world go downhill. I still fight and I try everything I can to live a sustainable live.
With the new addition to our family this is not always easy. But here is some easy facts how to live a green life with a child.



1. Reusable nappies.
The discussions on that are wide and never ending. We have not long thought about it and when we heard that the City of Vienna is supporting the use of Reusable Nappies with a 100Euro Voucher we were all up for it. And here are our experiences after almost 3 months:
- More washing? I don't think so. The little one does not have the biggest clothes and not too many of them either so we have to wash quite often but can't really make a whole load of it most of the time. Here the nappies come in handy - they fill up the washing machine so it's "worth" switching" it on. (nappies don't have to be washed at 90degrees as often thought, 60degrees is enough)
This also applies to the prejudice that more washing leads to more water use and this is not sustainable. As I said we don't wash more often therefore there is not much more water use than in another household with a baby.
- Takes longer to change? Well with the approach to take your time and undivided attention for the diaper change it is actually not much of work but fun. You just spend more time with your child and he enjoys it.
We have also realised when using disposable nappies (when on a trip for a couple of days and no chance to wash) that they let much more go through and we have to change everything more often. This in the end is much more work and again more washing so here we close the circle to the washing point.
- Expensive? Yes they might seem expensive when you first buy the whole load. But we paid 350Euros for the first batch, then we bought some more later on and spent 70Euros. Makes a total of 420Euros. How much do you spend on disposable diapers a month???
- Babies are less flexible in movement? Well I thought so too when I first used them. But now at the age of 2,5months our son is already able to move around in his crib that everytime he wakes up I find him lying crossways in it. He also moves onto one side which looks like he'd be able to turn around onto his belly very soon. And even if he doesn't - it is not a competition and so far the diapers don't seem to bother him (unless it is very hot but I guess "plstic" diapers won't be much more comfortable then either)
Summarising I can say that I love those reusable nappies and I like the fact that I am not throwing out bags and bags of plastic that take hundreds of years to degrade.

2. used clothes
We hardly buy clothes for our son. When he was born we got lots of clothes from family and friends and I believe a lot of new parents experience that. We also have friends with children that borrowed us their clothes. Children grow so fast and hardly use them enough so it's just handy to give them back and forth. I got clothes from a friend who has 3 children and the stuff is perfectly fine. The children obviously don't mind and it's not just good for your wallet. Another advantage is that after more and more washings there are hardly any chemicals left in the clothes so it's much healthier for the children to wear them.
The same applies for shoes. IT doesn't matter if a child had a bad foot movement and you use the shoes for your child afterwards. They don't wear shoes long enough that this would have a bad affect on your child's foot.
And by the way - our pram is used as well. It has cost us 50Euros, looks a bit worn but is perfectly fine. The best thing about it is that you can leave it unlocked everywhere. Nobody will steal an old pram. And even if somebody does - it had just cost us 50Euros...

3. glass bottles
I still breastfeed but every now and then I have an appointment and my husband has to feed the child. Therefore we have been looking out for glass bottles. They do exist but are hidden well behind the amounts of plastic bottles in the stores. I do agree that it is more practical to use plastic especially when the child is older and can hold the bottle himself. But the glass bottles are quite strong and if you don't let your child run around with the bottle in his hand all the time it doesn't have to be such a big problem. I have been fed with glass bottles too and me and the bottles all survived.It will also help your child realise that the bottle with tea or juice isn't a toy. You drink from it and when you had enough you put it down. Sounds easy I know and I haven't been there yet but I like to believe that it works that way.

4. the thumb
We are (well our son is) not using a pacifier. He has already discovered his thumb and is able to calm himself with it when he needs to. Right now it is rather a sign that he is hungry though which a pacifier can't help him with either. Therefore we don't have to use this bit of plastic which in most cases is full of BPA. His thumb is as natural as can be and won't fall on the floor and has to be desinfected afterwards. To name just the "green" plus points that speak for the thumb. The discussion of thumb vs. pacifier is another one and can be read here or in the world wide web everywhere...

5. Olive oil
When I was pregnant I got all sorts of sets for the newborn filled with samples of moistures, lotions and teas etc... I was confused on how to know what bathing lotion to use, what body lotion, what moisturiser??? Our midwife told us to use Olive oil instead, it's natural and good for the still very sensitive baby skin. We also use olive oil for the baby massage and our son looks well and healthy. It's a lot of chemicals we save him from taking in.


These are just 5 "green points" I can think of right now. But it has only been 2,5months now and I am sure this list can be extended. In the meantime - what are you doing to still live as green as possible in your family ? Looking forward to your comments.

LEAVE ME ALONE !

When I first heard of the Pikler parenting method I was very surprised by her attitude of leaving your child alone to play. And I was relieved. How often do you see parents and relatives take a little newborn out of their crib just like that, throw it in the air, shake it and carry it around. Without warning, without asking they interrupt the little ones action - even if that is just lying there and looking around. I always felt sorry for the baby that had no choice but be part of the "fun".

On sunday we experienced our first Pikler - situation of "Let your child be". A friend came over for a visit. I had just fed our son and my husband had changed his diaper. Happy and satisfied he was lying on the sofa still trying hard to move his hands into his mouth. Our friend went over to him, picked him up and held him in front of her face. Immediately he started crying so she began to wonder why. Nervously she started shaking and rocking him, making funny sounds and laughing. The little one continued crying until my husband suggested she should just put him back down because that might be what he wanted. Eventually after a few more rocking rounds he did not enjoy she put him down. He stopped crying and went back to his hands as if nothing had happened.

The problem with "Letting your child be" is that many parents think you are not allowed to play with your child at all, to hold him, to cuddle him. Of course you are allowed and you SHOULD do all that. But you shouldn't do it when it is convenient to YOU, when YOU have a spare moment, when YOU feel like cuddling.
Do not forget that your child is a human too and he has his needs to be alone and play by himself. A few weeks ago he was thrown out of his comfortable warm 24hour restaurant called "uterus" so he needs time to adjust to this world, to find his place, to grasp.
So rather than presenting your child with your constant presence lean back and watch him. Figure out what he is up to and what he needs when he cries. You will learn when it is okay for him to interact with you, when he wants you to hold him, to cuddle him. Enjoy those moments when it's right for both of you but also enjoy the spare time you gain by not entertaining your child constantly.

Also - A child's attention span will be much longer when it is allowed to play with something he chooses not something you put into his hands or in front of his head. See it like that - most of the time you enjoy a magazine/book/article you choose to read much more than a magazine someone just put into your hands because he or she think you should read that right now!! you want to read it when you are in the mood. And you will eventually read it. Interested. With full concentration. Your child will do the same. With the toys it chooses himself!